Rule #1:  "Turkeys always frickin rock the house, 24/7."  Rule#2: "never go corporate, but don't miss a bargain." Rule #3:  Give me some damn beer!  (j/k)  We’ve all heard of other so called comedians saying that they "don’t give a rip", and I gotta say, we’re the EXACT same way.  Which reminds me, if you're a Power-Trippin Cop, click here. All men are created EQUAL, "BUUD."  Oh, I almost forgot my BFF: The Media.  I know  we never get asked this, but “YES, WE ARE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE.”   Nice question.  “yeah!  Hey guy I’m not super close with, would you like to start a comedy gang?  It’s not like you need to have trust, faith, and total allegiance to one another.  No not at all.  Not one bit.  Seriously, you don’t need it to be permanently at the top of your game.”  Oh, and one more thing….If you didn’t get I was being sarcastic in that last part, you don’t get The Turkeys.   

Rule #1:  "Turkeys always frickin rock the house, 24/7."  Rule#2: "never go corporate, but don't miss a bargain." Rule #3:  Give me some damn beer!  (j/k)  We’ve all heard of other so called comedians saying that they "don’t give a rip", and I gotta say, we’re the EXACT same way.  Which reminds me, if you're a Power-Trippin Cop, click here. All men are created EQUAL, "BUUD."  Oh, I almost forgot my BFF: The Media.  I know  we never get asked this, but “YES, WE ARE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE.”   Nice question.  “yeah!  Hey guy I’m not super close with, would you like to start a comedy gang?  It’s not like you need to have trust, faith, and total allegiance to one another.  No not at all.  Not one bit.  Seriously, you don’t need it to be permanently at the top of your game.”  Oh, and one more thing….If you didn’t get I was being sarcastic in that last part, you don’t get The Turkeys.   

GET ON THE LIST!

find out when we come to your town...cheap tickets, discount merch, monthly drawing for free OG TurkeyTshirt ($20 value)

Name *
Name

Gabe Noah:

I guess I’ve always been funnier than literally everyone else...I just see things that others don’t. I’m also known as someone who will fight at the drop of a hat (especially if it’s one of my white ones). My comedy is fuckin’ nuts. Even my parents thought so. My dad was BUGGIN’ OUT. I talked to him after the show and he told me he wished his dad were alive to see me perform and that he would have been buggin’ out more than anyone. That really meant the world to me...When I think of it, I can’t help but bug the fuck out. My mom doesn’t really care for my material. She thinks it’s fuckin’ nuts.
— Me, Myself, and I
The man looks into the fire, and sees much more than flame.

The man looks into the fire, and sees much more than flame.

"Anti-Anti Bullying Campaign", Hell's Kitchen

Website:  gabenoah.com


Matt Olson

I have never seen anyone do an impression of a deaf person that even comes close to Matt's.  It's funnier than hell.  This one time we were at the Mega Mall and he went up to these old people and started acting like he was deaf.  He went up and asked them for directions.  It was funnier than hell, they both fell for it.  They'd turn around to point where he should go and he (VINTAGE Matt) looked at us and pretended to hump the old man!  (Fuuuuuck, I'm dying thinking of it)  I guess his impression is so good because his little brother and sister are that way, and this fucker can't pass up a good joke.  He just loves to make people laugh, even when it causes other's life altering pain.

Matt, gazing into the flames.  The flames that are cousin to those that consumed his soul so many years ago..."yeah, I'll try anything twice."

Matt, gazing into the flames.  The flames that are cousin to those that consumed his soul so many years ago..."yeah, I'll try anything twice."

This is form Matt's other group, Royal Mutt.  Their not so bad if you like groups that BLOW GOATS.  Just kidding we're fans. 

AT SOLAR ARTS TAPING

AT SOLAR ARTS TAPING

 Website:  royalmutt.com


Isaac Witty:

 Pic of me, chilling out by the fire in full-on "relax mode."  Sometimes people say I get a little  TOO RELAXED!!               (If you know what I mean)  

 Pic of me, chilling out by the fire in full-on "relax mode."  Sometimes people say I get a little  TOO RELAXED!!               (If you know what I mean)

 

I guess I'm a normal guy, yeah.  I'm really just a laid back dude.  I like hanging with my friends and playing my music.  My music is everything to me.  I just get lost in it (and in this world, sometimes I WANT to be lost).  Life is hard, and I'm doing my best, but sometimes I just want to scream.  The pressure from society to be a certain way, and all the violence in the news.  AHH!  That's when I pick up my guitar, go out to the beach, and just p-l-a-y...It saves me.  I'd be nothing without my music.  I also have a son. 

"The Dweeze" from Log Bustin'

"The Dweeze" from Log Bustin'

Website:  Isaacwitty.com


Chris Maddock:

Chris (male archetype (yellow scarf))

Chris (male archetype (yellow scarf))

Chris in role as male cop.

Chris in role as male cop.

Basically Chris can do whatever he wants.  Take great care if you get invited to his house.  If he invites you to talk in private, you might as well kiss your fat ass goodbye (He only kills "slobs"), cause you're dead.  What's that coming over the horizon?  Through distant valleys?  It's his reach.  You can't get away.  He told me he has friends in the department and he can have you rubbed out and everyone will know he did it, but nobody can prove anything.  I'd say his comedy is a direct reflection of that...

Website: Chrismaddock.com


Nate Abshire:

7 minutes in HEAVEN!  (w/Nate Abshire)

Proving a little cold weather won't stop him from giving fans what they crave. Nate gives his trademark "itchy head/wry smirk" pose.  

Proving a little cold weather won't stop him from giving fans what they crave. Nate gives his trademark "itchy head/wry smirk" pose.  

"An oversexed man of leisure who is ALWAYS on the prowl"

The above quote was written by Henry Miller.  It wasn't written about Nate, because if it was you'd have to like, times it by a 100.  GET THE PICTURE?! EEEEHHHHHH  DOOOOOOYYYY!  To put it simply, he's the area's top Ho Hunter.   Chances are he's on the trail of a yellow-tailed beauty right now.  Kneeling in a wooded meadow beside a pile of lady scat.  Studying every chunk: touch/smell/hear  ...He looks to the sun "about two days walk from knockin' some serious boots."

 


 

Gus Lynch:

On set of More Ranch/Diner Buddies

On set of More Ranch/Diner Buddies

If I could have one super power it would be to have Brass Balls, and to fly.  And be invisible.  Can you imagine that?  Just flying around invisible with your brass balls out?  Nobody could kick your balls no more and you could sucker punch anyone you want whenever you want and never get caught because you could fly away.  The only draw back to invincible bass would be that I would lose touch with the emotional truth that drives my artistic ambition.............and because of this, they shall remain ragged flesh.

Joke Joint Comedy Club, St. Paul

MY IMDB.COM (I'm the best actor in the group)

 

TAKING ON CITY HALL

It truly bothers me that they don’t have more pictures of me on this site. That said, I know in my heart of hearts that Gabe will do his best to rectify the situation in due time. So I’m not going to be a big fucking baby about it. (Like Maddoo)
— gus

Kjell Bjorgen:

I DESPISE injustice, but I LOVE cheesecake. (nom nom nom, YUM-YUM, Gimme Some!)

I DESPISE injustice, but I LOVE cheesecake. (nom nom nom, YUM-YUM, Gimme Some!)

When I see a real "Hooter Farm" (group of 3 or more girls with C's or better) coming at me I'll usually do something interesting like pull my arms in my shirt and make breasts with them.  Then I'll say something like "hey ladies!  You gonna pay for those watermelons or do I have to call the cops?!"  Then I'll follow behind them and make sucking noises with my mouth and hold my hands like I'm sucking a giant boob.  I love life...No, I'm not perfect, but I'm learning.  Come fly with me.  (optimists only) 

I had 4 BIG ASS mugs of orange pop during this:  Professor Blastoff  Podcast

Comedy Central "Live at Gotham"
 

"Oh God, You Devil" or "Who died and made you king?" or "I've never added it up, but I must have 8 or 10 2 liter bottles of hot piss in my den."

"Oh God, You Devil" or "Who died and made you king?" or "I've never added it up, but I must have 8 or 10 2 liter bottles of hot piss in my den."


Phoebe Bottoms:

NO GIRLS ALLOWED!  Never.  That said, Phoebe is as close as it gets.  She's in most of the sketches, she helps with production, scripts, lunch and changes with the door open.  Look, nobody likes girls, but you need them around so you can sex em up and make more dudes!  DUDES!  DUDES! DUDES! DUDES!

I have successfully leveraged my mothers beauty into a lifetime commitment from a gullible man.  Bring on the funnel cake!

I have successfully leveraged my mothers beauty into a lifetime commitment from a gullible man.  Bring on the funnel cake!

If you look at this picture the right way it looks like I'm crossing one eye and leaving the other straight ahead.

If you look at this picture the right way it looks like I'm crossing one eye and leaving the other straight ahead.

I’d buy that for a dollar!
— matt olson
Make it two and you can do whatever you want, you sick pervert!....wait a second! A hamburger only costs a dollar. I’ve changed my mind, I’ll do it for a single dollar.
— Phoebe

INDESPENSIBLE POULTRY:

We are a simple people.  We don't have any money or technical know how...We're just a bunch of the funniest guys you ever dreamed of who also have dreams.  Only we dream in video....Without the following people, our dreams would seriously blow goats.  (These guys went above and beyond normal pay)


 
DAMIAN KUSSIAN:  Damian's Reel:   https://vimeo.com/71438003

DAMIAN KUSSIAN: 

Damian's Reel:

  https://vimeo.com/71438003

 

Damian's been producing and directing smaller, low-budget documentaries for over a decade including freelance projects for History Channel and Spike TV.   He recently won his second regional Emmy for "Aviation Storytellers: The Tall Gunner and The Navigator," which he produced and directed

His Turkey credits are too many to list. He’s probably co-produced a third of our work, while serving as Director of Photography and Assistant Director on even more. He’s directed shorts for our live show, as well as lights/sound/location scout/casting and more. Most impressively Damian has mentored a group of young filmmakers who are unfailingly talented, professional, and generally pleasant to be around...No doubt a reflection of his leadership. In short, you can’t do better than having Damian on your project.
— The Turkeys
 
Chris Knutson

Chris Knutson

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you just played yourself.  Ask any girl in town, Chris has a volcanic temper and you're about to experience it.  If you stay here much longer he's going to assume you're a threat/whoops.  Too late.  Cover the holes in your basement floor and lock the sewers cause that's where he comes in.  He can headbutt through your rib cage in 10 or 20 whacks.

Website:  chrisknutsoncomedy.com

 
JEREMY NORDEEN:  GUEST DIRECTOR (Erotic Novelist 1)

JEREMY NORDEEN:  GUEST DIRECTOR (Erotic Novelist 1)

Jeremy Nordeen is a Minneapolis based filmmaker who's fast making his mark.  He's enjoyed success in many areas of film from music videos ("Mustache" by White Collar Hollar), and commercials (Dangerous Man Brewing Company), to sketch comedy and dramatic shorts.  Most recently his film "Knuckle"  took Best Drama and Best in Fest honors at the Z-Fest Film Festival.    

More Jeremy:  http://youtu.be/G71_GpmBHBA

For a long time I just thought of Jeremy as the lunk-head bartender at the place we have pitch meetings (I prejudge anyone his size to be a lunk-head, nothing personal). Now I think of him as a talented and tireless collaborater whose enthusiasm is a welcome counterweight to our group wide depression.
— Gabe
DALE DIMASSI:  Turkeys Credits: Jack of All Trades/Co-Production of Live Events/TechGuru/DP/PA

DALE DIMASSI:  Turkeys Credits: Jack of All Trades/Co-Production of Live Events/TechGuru/DP/PA

 
JESSICA STUDNICK: Various/Photographer

JESSICA STUDNICK: Various/Photographer

Dale is a filmmaker with a passion for storytelling and advocacy.  Through his art Dale exposes another side of daily life, taking the mundane and overlooked aspects of our society and telling stories that matter.  His work with Veterans' groups earned him an Emmy win in 2013.

Reel:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avYG5B3eMgc

Dale started with us as a PA but his work ethic, competence, and wide ranging talents have earned him the dubious position of “guy we call whenever something difficult needs to be done.” He hasn’t let us down yet, and as a punishment we expect to expand his role in the group soon.
— Christopher Maddock
 

Jessica works as a freelance Photographer and Video PA in the Twin Cities with two degrees in Industrial and Manufacturing Engineer.  She has worked as an associate producer and crew member on music videos, scripted film productions, and live events capturing each intimate moment with her camera. Each day is a new canvas and photography serves as the paint and brushes for Jessica.

Jessica has worked at live events, assisted on shoots, but most importantly she’s responsible for capturing our aggregate beauty on film. Without her photos, this website would look even worse...She’s responsible for all the “stand outside in eight below for two hours” photos. She never complained once, we did the whole time.
— Cristobal Knutson
 
BRIAN FORREST: Line Producer/Assist. Director  

BRIAN FORREST: Line Producer/Assist. Director

 

 

Brian is a fixture on the Minneapolis film scene.  With over a decade in the business he's successfully helmed  projects ranging from absurdist comedy (Drinking With Ian, Street Talk) to industrial film.    His production company Forrest Media, Inc. specializes in commercials and corporate films for budget minded customers.

Website::  http://bria18.wix.com/forrestmedia#!

This is another case of a superior talent “slumming it” with The Turkeys. This is getting tough on the old self esteem-a-rooney! He worked for a handful of nickels, and threw himself into our project as if it were his own. He was a top notch organizer for us, and has made us laugh with his sketch “Street Talk”.
— Kjell "DaddyDog" Bjorgen
 
PAUL DAN MOON:  Animator

PAUL DAN MOON:  Animator

 

I am a Media Artist with an emphasis on 3D Animation based in Minneapolis, MN. I work as a graphics editor at MeanGrain, Flyover Films, and part-time at North Metro Television.

Website:  pauldanmoon.com

Maddock and I long dreamed of having a our version of Fox’s football robot “Cleatus” come out, poop on the floor and lazer pee it in half. Paul made our dream a reality. He has exceeded our expectations every time.
— Gabe
 
ANDREW CAHAK: Graphic Design

ANDREW CAHAK: Graphic Design

 

Andrew Cahak is an exhausted man living in a world of illusions. He is also a comedian, graphic designer and podcaster.  The end. 

www.cahak.com and www.dogbrainpodcast.com

SAW-HAWK is one rude and crude dude that is rough, tough and has the stough to make your graphics make other graphics want to commit suicide. He is also the host of DogBrain Podcast which you should definitely listen to. FAST FACT: Andrew executed our logo and some of our posters.
— Gabe